Dear Mr. Spencer, Did you know, water covers 70% of the Earth but 100% of your apartment?
And I’m 99% sure you’re 100% pissed about it. I mean, it was a tragedy, especially for the family of rats who were living under the floorboards. 85% of the rats seem to have lost 100% of their lives from the look of things. They’re in even worse shape than your stuff. Kinda puts your losses in perspective, doesn’t it, Mr. Spencer? I mean all that was “lost” was that crummy floor and only about 80% of the pipes in your house. That’s SO not a big deal.
I mean, All State didn’t think so. They filed my claim and 100% paid for the swanky hotel room I’m sending you this check from. Unfortunately, the rats aren’t covered.